Flats, flats, glorious flats!
With the exciting news of Hearts' impending doom filling the back pages of newspapers around the country, they travel to Pittodrie for game 3 of the season. Presumably they'll be hitching a lift north from Auld Reekie, because Ukio Bankas owns their team bus as well as their stadium.
Our new midfielder will be playing his first game for us, some dude by the name of Ferrie Bodde. Aberdeen fans will remember him for not being worth signing, even though he was later the subject of a 2 million pound approach (which was rejected, it should be noted). Anyway, better late than never, and the Dutchman with the long range shot has signed up for the Dons at the second time of asking. He goes into our midfield, and if I haven't mentioned it already I've punted Stephen Hughes because he's... well.. because he's Stephen Hughes.
The thing I like most about Ferrie Bodde is his tiny head and his weird neck. He'll fit in perfectly with his Aberdeen teammates, who look like the cast of Babylon 5.
Tiny head, fat neck. Hello, I am being Ferrie Bodde. Schmoke and a Pancake?
With Suazo once again partnering the shirt-filling Vernon up front, let's hope we can put these fuckers firmly in their place.
Head tennis, head tennins, misplaced pass, cross to no-one, punt upfield, head tennis, head tennis, tiny head, tiny head, misplaced pass.
It isn't till the 30th minute that a glorious 40 yard diagonal pass by the gorgeous figure of Cillian Murphy finds Nicky Low Choo-choo-training into the box like the little engine who could. Without breaking stride, Low smashes a left foot volley clean into the fucking net. Haud 'at, ye fuckin Jambo cunts!
...but what's this?
The bastard in the black is pulling play back. The goal has been chalked off, and we're denied a glorious goal of the season contender, simply because this twat of a referee can't see past his own fucking nose.
There's literally nothing else to mention this half. Watching this virtual Aberdeen team is a bit like watching the real Aberdeen team, inasmuch as I sit at my computer with a bored expression on my face, periodically going, "Jesus." and "Fuck me" and "This is pish." So I do take my hat off when it comes to the authenticity of the matchplay.
Half Time: Aberdeen 0 - Hearts 0
Pawlett is on for Hayes, McGinn is on for Vernon. Let's see if fresh legs can make some inroads.
Apparently they can't.
This is grim. with an hour gone the only point of note is Rae's decent ankle-snapping challenge that sees him 'earn' a yellow.
67 minutes gone and Hearts have the ball in the net.
A Grainger free kick finds Sutton, and the Hearts man plants it easily under the slow-motion dive of Jamie the Vegetable. It's 1-0 to the Hearts, and the crowd goes.... wait... it's being chalked off by the over-zealous referee. Apparently there's an infringement, and I completely agree with the decision.
Four minutes later and Hearts have the ball in the net again. This time It's Grainger sweeping the ball into the box, with Sutton placing a great header past the slow-motion dive of... deja vu. Exactly the same move, exactly the same players, ball in the net for 1-0 to Hearts, and the crowd goes... wait... it's being chalked off by the over-zealous referee. Apparently there's an infringement (again) and I completely agree with the decision.
Two identical goals in four minutes for the Jammies, and both times the referee decides to take his whistle and shove it up Hearts' collective arsehole.
Good on you referee. Good on you.
Sutton celebrates prematurely... twice. Ricky Foster realises he's came to the wrong game.
So with three perfectly good goals chalked off by a bampot of a referee, this game ends in an exciting 0-0 draw, with neither side able to put the ball in the net and make it stay there.
On any other day that would have been 2-1 to the Bankrupt Submariners of Midlothian, so we should count ourselves lucky to escape this fucking fiasco with a point.
Onwards and upwards.
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