With the Dons proudly occupying their traditional 9th spot in the SPL, cup fever hits the city of Aberdeen like an epidemic of contagious Bad AIDS. No-one really fucking cares. And given the club's usual inability to promote itself, there's probably only a couple thousand hardy souls who even know there's a game on today.
Anyway, let's struggle on through this pointless fucking cup competition, even if it's only for teh lulz.
Today we take on the might of Stranraer, a team that plays its football in, fuck, I don't know... the fourth division or something. Suffice to say they're pish and we should beat them. We do make a habit of self-fucking when it comes to "teams we should beat in the cup" however, so let's take nothing for granted, otherwise this is the kind of shit we can fully expect from our day.
Depressing but commonplace. Fuck our club.
Straight to it then?
With a little over 5000 die-hard Dandies in the ground, but not the URDS, because we don;t have enough fans to fill that particular white elephant, we're off.
The first real action of the match sees Nial McGinn, the Emerald Wizard, slot a delicious, gravy-soaked through ball to Scott 'No Goals' Vernon. Vernon swivels on the edge of the box and blasts the ball high and wide.
...wait... fuck me, no he doesn't. He swivels and powers a magnificent bastard of a goal past the flailing arms of the Stranraer keeper, whatever his name is. 1-0 to the Dons and only 6 minutes on the clock.
Two and a half minutes later, and Reynolds knocks another through ball to the feet of Vernon, who holds off the challenge of a 'defender' and rifles his second of the game into the net. Haha... get in there. Look at us scoring goals and playing fitba like a proper team.
17 minutes in and a stramash in the box turns into kerfuffle, rapidly descending into a clattering, and it's a penalty for the Dons. Who else but Scott 'The Manager Had Complete Faith In Me From The Off' Vernon steps up, hammers it to the right, and it's a hat-trick inside of 20 minutes for the man who looks like Beaker aff the Muppets.
Hat-Trick Hero! Beeweeweeweeweewee!
You'll probably remember me saying earlier how Verno was going to be our main striker this season. Big Vern. The Vermeister.Vernorino. He'll be responding to the faith I've shown in him, is what this is.
Minutes later and Ramovic flaps at a loose ball, he recovers to get back to his goal just in time to not save Moore's box from 3 yards out. Fuckers have pulled one back, and is a collapse on? I wouldn't bet against it with this particular team of spineless whores.
3-1 The Dons.
Within 3 minutes the Dons recover their 3 goal lead... a Naysmith cross finds McGinn's napper, he heads it back across goal, and Vernon is there to bang in his fourth. Well, fuck me sideways, someone found their shooting boots. Good on you, you muppet-looking fuck. 4-1 Aberdeen, 4 goals for Vernon, the next round beckons.
With time running down in the first half, giant-mouthed Considine puts the tie beyond any doubt with a short, stabby shot at the near post from a McGinn cross. 5-1 and this tie is over.
As is usually the case, however, losing a few goals usually has the AI playing like Barcelona, regardless of what team they are, and true to form the second half sees Stranraer play like Stranraercelona. The only real moment of interest being a second goal for the Scottish Catalans from some lad called Borris.
We won't be Russian to sign him, though... hahahahahaha... ah, I crack me up, me.
Anyway, 5-2 the Dons, we're through to the next round, and here's the highlights with Pibull.
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