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It's game five of the Scottish Premier League of Footballing Soccer, and The Dandy Dons of Aberdeen are taking on the popular St Mirren of Paisley, nicknamed the Buddies. Gee, that's a swell nickname.
Aberdeen Soccer Club are energized by a recent 5 scores to 2 victory in the League Cup of Scottish World Soccer, Offensive Goal Attacker Scooter Vernon converting four of those scores and earning MVP accolades.
(I watch a lot of MLS and SL, and believe me this is what it's like)
The Dons sit in their traditional 9th place spot in the Scotch League, but a win today will see them climb the table, while a loss won't. That's how this crazy league works, with 3 points for a win, no points for the loss, and a point awarded for teams who are tied after regular time. No overtime will be played in the event of a tie, which is a goofy way to run any sport.
With the Aberdeen Dons playing a traditional, some say archaic, 4-4-2 formation, St Mirrens of Paisley start with a more adventurous and modern 4-3-3 with Goncalves playing the role of forward offense. For Aberdeen, Bodde teams up in midfield with the ageing Gavin Rae. Jaime the Clangers Langfield is dropped for being, quote, "Pash". Hopefully the goaltender can recover from that quickly.
The early exchanges in the match sees the Buddies midfield trio taking control of proceedings, but a good piece of play between Suazo, Vernon and Milsom sees the St Mirren goalwatcher forced into a diving save. The resulting corner goes nowhere, and the next ten minutes involves the Dons players watching St Mirren pass the soccer ball around like Juventus, Italy.
K, done with the Americanisms....
Aberdeen continue to chase shadows, despite having been told to hassle their opponents and give them no room to play. In my day that would have literally meant, snap them fuckers ankles. Players today, however, are frosted-tipped fuds, with all the combative qualities of Bambi, if Bambi had been a bigger faggot than he already was. So standing off and not tackling is the order of the day.
33 minutes gone, St Mirren rattle the post after some unrealistically sweet play. The Dons defence is posted missing, the keeper is beaten, but the ball whacks off the woodwork and back into play. There's a goal coming, you can feel it in your water.
...and on 41 minutes gone, following a period of sheer one-way traffic, the ball is worked into the box to Goncalves, who makes no mistakes with the finish. A deserved lead for the team that prior to this game could have been considered relegation favourites.
0-1 to the Murrn, and this shit needs sorted out in half two as the first half winds down... even a Craig Brown team would be doing better than this but it wouldn't really.
After much re-tacticsing at half time the Dons team comes out all fired up and shit, and proceeds to still be played off the park by a St Mirren team that looks like it's playing a combination of La Liga and Harlem Globetrotters exhibition shit.
Despite the St Mirren onslaught, the 67th minute sees Niall McGinn clip a ball to the advancing Giraffe-necked Dutchman who curls a typically continental shot into the back of the net. It's 1-1, which is fairly unbelievable given the one-sided nature of this game, but we'll take what we can against the west coast Juventusians.
Bodde appears to have picked up a knock, he was always an injury risk, so we'll see how that turns out. Hopefully nothing the giraffe vet can't fix with a plaster.
St Mirren immediately switch to a 4-4-2 formation, obviously seeing how awesome the Dons are with their 4-4-2, and hoping to emulate our towering defensive godliness in a bid to lose no more goals.
74 minutes gone, and a 60 yard upfield punt finds the head of Vernon, who aimlessly heads the ball into the air in the general direction of the St Mirren box. Incredibly the St Mirren keeper stands perfectly still and does nothing to prevent the ball trundling slowly over his line. Vernon clearly didn't mean it, but he celebrates like he's scored the winning goal in a World Cup final, rather than an unintentional header.
It's now 2-1 to the Dandy Dons and League Title here we come!
The remaining 16 minutes sees Aberdeen comfortably pinned back onto their goal-line, frantically clearing an avalanche of St Mirren attacks into the stands. No more goals, St Mirren blow it, and the Dons rocket up the table to... I don't know because Steam just returned a fatal error and crashed the game.
Fortunately I saved it first... but hopefully there's not some fucking fucked up shenanigans going on here.
I think I need to reboot here... Steam's going fucking mental.
EDIT: Okay, 3rd. We're up to third, but can't connect with steam network, and I cant take any screenshots.
Game seems to be running fine, but I'll have to see what's going on here.
Anyway, 3rd... YAY! YAY! etc.
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