Fitba Manager

Preseason: Game One

Dumbarton 0   -   3 Aberdeen

In what could be billed as the Battle of Two Teams That Suck, Aberdeen gets preseason game number 1 under way.  

With 6 minutes on the clock, the soon to be injured Pawlett bursts from his own half, feeding a through ball to Johnny Hayes.  Hayes tees up to shoot, and is cynically chopped down inside the box by some dude called Graham. An early penalty for the Dandies. Can we put this away?  

Pawlett steps up and fires the ball past the unmoving goalkeeper. I mean this guy doesn't even try to save the pen. What a tit. It's 1-0 the Dons, and I get the impression this won't be too hard a game.

14 minutes gone. Osbourne is carded for a pretty innocuous tackle. Unfortunately this tackle is compounded by Osbourne being a black fella, so into the book he goes. Hopefully Ozzy can dial back the black for the rest of the game. 

Osbourne: Black fella

26 minutes in, Osbourne dinks a neat little ball into the box, and Vernon shows his predatory instincts by sort of having the ball bounce off him and beyond the flailing arms of the Dumbarton keeper. It's 2-0 and easy street here we come. It's one-way traffic now, and the Dons are scampering forward at every opportunity. Bless them.

The rest of this half sees the Dons pepper the Dumbarton goal with some fairly inept efforts, but none make their way into the net. Half the First ends with the Dons comfortably 2 goals up.  

The second half begins the way the first half ended, with the Dons hammering away at the Dumbartonites like a drunken sailor on my hoor of an ex girlfriend. Unlike my ex, the Dumbartonies are NOT loving it. Fuck that hoor.

With 53 minutes gone, Osbourne, who has been guilty of repeated black guy, finds himself summoned by the referee yet again. It's a second yellow for the midfield general, and he only has himself to blame. Despite ample warning about being a black dude he continued to be a black dude from the beginning of the second half. The referee has no choice but to send the Dons man off. This is what pre-season is all about, though, and with luck Ozzy can work on that aspect of his game before the season begins in earnest. 

It isn't until the 78th minute that Gavin Rae, Aberdeen's 70 year old midfield fogey, lofts a lovely through ball to Hayes, who takes full advantage of the pass and hoofs it clean into the onion bag. It's 3-0, and Dumbarton can fuck themselves. 

And that's it, more or less. The game winds down in a series of sclaffy midfield battles until the referee blows for full time.  It's a rare win for Aberdeen, marred only by Osbourne's persistent blackness. 

We can now look forward to the game against the slightly less appalling Dunfermline in a few days time with an element of confidence.  

We'll probably get fucked, though.