We're going to be keeping the attacking formation that stood us in such good stead against Celtic, we'll be man marking, but we'll be blootering long balls upfield because, frankly, our passing abilities aren't going to cut it.
The teams read:
Contrary to what I thought, this is our first home game of the season, not an away game.
We're going to be sticking with Clangers in goals, because according to the coaches this Briant guy I bought is even worse than Langfield. While I find that hard to believe, can you imagine if that turns out to be true? fucking hell. Can't risk it... mustn't risk it... must sign traffic fucking cone...
So Game 2 of the season is about to get under way, and I have absolutely no doubts whatsoever that this is going to be pish of the highest order. Are we ready? Then let's begin.
Once upon a time....
Aberdeen vs Ross County
Well, deary me... this is dismal stuff. Have you ever watched a bunch of five year olds try to play fitba? Well, imagine they're playing with a beachball, and they're all seriously mentally handicapped. That's how bad this is. Our long ball blootering doesn't seem to work, and County have the better of the opening few minutes...
The first 'highlight', and I use the word 'highlight' only in the loosest of loose terms, is when U21 starlet, and next young player to fuck off to England on the promise of 5k a week and a flash car, Ryan Jack, loses the ball in midfield. County's Vigurs skins the Dons lad, eventually the ball finding its way to Brittain, who slices the Aberdeen defence open with a brutal pass to Rocco Quinn, who controls the ball and hammers it into the net at Clanger's near post.
Well, look at that. Beaten at the near post. That wouldn't happen in real life, eh?
Ex QotS man Quinn cups his ears and runs along the RDS, taunting the casuals and mouthing 'Wankaaaas' like he's the cock of the walk.
It's 1-0 to the sheep shaggers. To clarify that... 1-0 to County.
Chris Clark tangles with Rocco Quinn. "Not in the face!" squeals Clark like a fucking girl
I must stress that our game plan hasn't fallen apart, however. This is largely because we have no game plan. I do plan on shouting at them at half time, though... that aught to work.
We immediately go on the offensive, but our ineffectual attack is typified by Naysmith's 50 yard backpass when we should be applying pressure. The fuck?
The first half toddles towards its unexciting end, and the score stands at Shaggers of Sheep 0 - Shaggers of Sheep 1
Half time sees the promised shouting, and Rae is pulled for being absolute gash. Low takes his place with orders to not be shite.
The second half sees us come out of the traps like narcoleptics at a comfy bed convention, with County dominating us like they're 11 lovely, fluffy pillows. A snap shot from Wohlfarth forces a save from Langfield inside the first couple of minutes, and Clangers immediately maintains the pressure on us by throwing the ball straight out for a County throw. He might look like the bastard lovechild of Terri Schiavo and a fairground coconut, but he's not even that good.
Here's that in visual form, in case it wasn't clear.
Despite Langfield and Reynolds' best efforts, however, we are coming more into this game, and on 53 minutes two corners are won in quick succession. The second finding the head of Considine, whose looping header defies County's Fraser and settles in the back of the net. It's all square, and Aberdeen's solid defender, who kinda scares me to look at his face, has hauled the Dons back into this game.
Is it his mouth is too big for his face? Is that what scares me?
Anyway, 1-1 it is and we are definitely on the ascendancy here.
66 minutes played and McGinn carves the County defence apart, finding the left boot of Vernon... he's clear of the County defence, he shifts the ball from his left foot to his other left foot, and with the gaping goal at his mercy....
....and so it remains 1-1.
Aberdeen continues to dominate the closing minutes, but with Hayes and McGinn both busy this game peters out to a 1-1 conclusion.
Well, it's better than last week's result, but I think Vernon is going to be warming the bench if he doesn't sort his shit out right quick. I don't have much patience for fannybooting around like this. It should have been 2-1 to the Dons, but Vernon... you let us down.
The good news is that our fabulous draw sees us creep up to within one place of Craig Brown's favoured position of 9th in the table.
We sit in 10th spot. Who can stop us now?
Well, it's St Johnstone in Perth next, so the answer is probably "St Johnstone"
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